Category: Imaginary

I wrote this a few months ago for a friend for his Birthday. It’s a rainy day, so I’m posting it today.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
In the upper level of his two-story duplex, ERIC and his boyfriend STEFAN are sound asleep when suddenly there’s a large crashing sound outside in the backyard. Eric bolts awake and scared while Stefan is asleep as a rock.

Eric sits up and listens. There is some faint talking outside. Eric shakes Stefan awake.

ERIC
Stefan, wake up.

Stefan slowly wakes up.

STEFAN:
Hey.

A small explosion is heard from the backyard. Stefan is fully alert.

STEFAN
What the hell was that?

ERIC
I don’t know. I just heard a loud noise and someone talking outside.

STEFAN
Let me get the gun.

Stefan tosses the covers off, walks over and opens up the safe.

ERIC
You think that’s a bit drastic?

STEFAN
I hope not. Come on.

Stefan pulls out the gun and the two head out of the room into:

INT. STAIRWAY/LIVING ROOM – CONTINUED
Stefan leads the way down the stairs. There are sounds of sparks. The blinds are closed in the living room. They make their way to the backdoor.

Stefan carefully opens up the backyard with the gun ready. He leaps outside with Eric following close behind.

EXT. BACKYARD
Leaning against the tree in the rubble of their tree fort platform is a large, blue box with lettering on the top that says, “Police Box.”

STEFAN
What the hell?

The DOCTOR pops out from the door holding a fire extinguisher.

THE DOCTOR
Hello there!

Stefan aims his gun.

THE DOCTOR
Whoa, I come in peace!

ERIC
You come in peace?

Stefan lowers his gun.

STEFAN
Who are you?

THE DOCTOR
I’m the Doctor. Sorry if I woke you it’s just that my ship had a bit of a malfunction.

ERIC
Your ship? Are you okay?

THE DOCTOR
Me? Yeah, I’m fine. Everything is under control.

Sparks fly out from the TARDIS.

THE DOCTOR
Or maybe not.

The Doctor runs back inside. Bits of fire extinguisher smoke sneak out the door.

THE DOCTOR
There we go. Say, where am I?

STEFAN
Oklahoma City.

THE DOCTOR
Ah, a great city. Lots of good improv here. You wouldn’t happen to know today’s date by any chance?

ERIC
It’s March 4th, 2012.

STEFAN
It’s his Birthday.

THE DOCTOR
It is? Well happy birthday! Birthday’s are cool.

ERIC
Thank you.

The Doctor looks around and sees the mess he caused.

THE DOCTOR
Sorry about your tree. I know! Let me make it up to you. Is there anything you ever wanted to see anywhere or anytime?

ERIC
Hum, you know, this will sound a bit nerdy, but I’ve always wanted to see a star form.

THE DOCTOR
Excellent choice. It’s such a beautiful thing to see a star born.

The Doctor goes inside the TARDIS. Eric and Stefan exchange looks. The Doctor comes back out.

THE DOCTOR
Come on inside now.

Eric and Stefan approach the TARDIS and enter:

INT. TARDIS CONTROL ROOM
Eric and Stefan look around in amazement as The Doctor runs up to the control panel, pulling various things.

THE DOCTOR
One star birth coming right up! And not just any star, but the birth of your star. Hold on.

The TARDIS travels way, way back in time.

The TARDIS comes to a stop.

THE DOCTOR
Here we are. Go ahead. Open the door.

Eric opens the door to witness the protostar transform. Stefan and Eric stand there, gazing while the Doctor checks his controls.

ERIC
Hey, what’s that?

THE DOCTOR
What’s what?

The Doctor rushes over to see a half a mile long spaceship orbit the star. Panels flip like doors on the spaceship.

STEFAN
What’s that ship doing?

THE DOCTOR
No, no, no, no.

The Doctor rushes to the controls.

ERIC
What’s going on, Doctor?

THE DOCTOR
(while messing with the controls)
That ship is going to absorb the energy from your star and if it does that, Earth will never have life.

The Doctor pulls a final leaver and rushes out the door into:

INT. SHARSHIP COMMAND DECK
The Doctor steps into the command deck, which looks similar to the Starship Enterprise.

THE DOCTOR
Stop what you’re doing!

The crew, consisting of humans, face the Doctor with guns.

THE DOCTOR
Lots of guns today.

The ship’s captain, CAPTAIN VRAZEL, is a sexy, voluptuous woman (30s) in a white uniform.

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
How did you get here?

THE DOCTOR
Look, I don’t have time to explain. That star there you’re about to absorb is Earth’s star. It’s going to be your star.

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
That’s impossible. It’s the year 5053. Our star is much more formed.

THE DOCTOR
You’ve traveled back in time.

Lieutenant FLEMING, a strong, charming man (30s) approaches Vrazel’s side.

FLEMING
There was that turbulence we experienced, Captain. It could’ve been a wormhole.

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
Still, the scans show that he’s an alien. Why should we trust you?

Eric and Stefan step out from the TARIDS. The crew points their guns at them.

ERIC
Trust us. We’re human. That’s about to become our star. The Doctor here brought us back in time to watch it be born as sort of a birthday slash apology present.

FLEMING
The scans show they are human and there is bacteria on them not from our time.

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
Everyone, lower your weapons. Okay, let’s say you’re telling the truth. How do we get home? We’re running out of energy and our ship can’t time travel.

THE DOCTOR
But mine can. We just hook my TARDIS into your mainframe and just as the sun forms, it should give us enough juice to get back to your proper time and place.

A guy sitting in front of computer screen looks up.

COMPUTER CONTROLLER
Captain, the star is about to form. What should we do?

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
Hook us up.

The Doctor claps his hands.

THE DOCTOR
Wonderful! Come on, boys.

Eric and Stefan follow the Doctor back into:

INT. TARDIS CONTROL ROOM
The Doctor swings underneath the control board and hands Eric and Stefan two, long, large jumper cables.

THE DOCTOR
Give this to them while I get us ready.

Eric and Stefan grab the cables and rush back into:

INT. SPACESHIP COMMAND DECK
Eric and Stefan run up to Lieutenant Fleming, who has a white metal panel sitting aside, and hand him the cables.

STEFAN
Here you go.

FLEMING
This had better work.

Lieutenant Fleming hooks the cables up to the mainframe.

COMPUTER CONTROLLER
It’s forming. Brace yourselves.

The star forms – big explosion of energy.

Everyone is thrown to the floor.

Panic.

Then, peace.

Everyone stands up.

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
Where are we?

COMPUTER CONTROLLER
Sir, it looks like we’re just outside of Earth and our fuel cells are fully charged.

FLEMING
My god, he did it.

The Doctor steps onto the Command Deck.

THE DOCTOR
That was fun. Never done that before.

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
You’ve what?

THE DOCTOR
I’d figured there was a 50/50 shot. Now if you excuse me, I have some people I have to take back home.

ERIC
It was nice meeting you.

STEFAN
Yeah, it was.

CAPTAIN VRAZEL
Let’s not meet again.

Eric, Stefan, and the Doctor enter the TARDIS. It fades away.

EXT. BACKYARD – MORNING
The TARDIS appears in the backyard. Eric and Stefan step out.

ERIC
Thank you for the present, Doctor.

STEFAN
Yes, thank you.

THE DOCTOR
It was my pleasure. Well, I must go now.

ERIC
Will we ever meet again?

THE DOCTOR
Only time will tell. Actually, I think we do meet in the future. Now, I know who you are! You’re Eric. Boy, do you have some great things coming in your future. Enjoy your Birthday.

The Doctor closes the door and the TARDIS fades away.

THE END

Saturday, April 28, 2012.
I had just returned to my office after taking pictures of the Norman Music Festival when there was a knock at my door– a dainty knock. I sat my camera on my desk and answered the door. There was a dame – maybe in her 40s – must’ve been a looker back in her day. Bit of a looker still, I suppose, with her long white dress, curly blond hair, and an unseasonably warm coat.

“You Dennis Spielman,” she asked, taking a puff of her long cigarette.

“I am.”

She let herself in. “I’m in a bit of trouble.”

“Aren’t we all?”

“Cute,” she faked smiled. “You still a P.I.?”

“I am, Miss–”

“Jeanette Schafer.”

“Miss Schafer, I must inform you that I’m a still new at this game and my past two cases remain unsolved.”

“I have faith in you,” she said as she took a seat on the couch. “You have a special, sort of knowledge that others don’t possess.”

“And that would be?”

“Of places, from doing your travel show.”

“Ah.”

“You see,” she took a drag, “I can’t remember what happened to me last week. All I know is that I went on a date and ended back at my place, violated. I figured you could take me to a few places and see if anything triggers my memory.”

“I can do that, although, what will happen if you remember?”

“Don’t worry about that, dear.”

Miss Schafer held out her hand. I helped her to her feet. She gave me a few tidbits about what she could remember about the restaurant. The place sounded familiar. I put on my fedora hat and drove her to the Gold Dome.

During the ride, she told me that the week before a friend of a friend also named Jeanette had been taken advantage. A serial rapist of Jeanette’s? Crazy. Still, I called my own friend Jeanette to check up on her. She didn’t answer. Miss Schafer said not to worry as she told me tales of her youth and adventures in Hollywood. Some of the tales made me believe that she was much older than she appeared.

I opened the car door for her outside of the Gold Dome. We went inside to the restaurant. For a Saturday night, the place was fairly quiet. Miss Schafer took in the aroma.

“I remember this place,” Miss Schafer said. “We were here.”

A young hostess approached us. “Just the two of you?”

“Yes, but we won’t be staying long,” Miss Schafer spoke. “Where you here last Saturday?”
“Sorry, I wasn’t.”

“It’s okay, child. I’m just trying to remember what happened to me last week. Would you give us a moment?”

“Sure,” the hostess said and left us alone.

“Do you remember anything about the man?” I asked her.

“No,” she trailed off, glazing around the room.

“Oh, hey, there’s my friend, Jeanette,” I said, pointing to her sitting in a booth in the far corner. Across from her was a man in a black suit, about 35-years-old, sort of charming, but plain, in a way that was forgettable.

“That’s him.”

Miss Schafer marched over to the table. I ran ahead, passing Miss Schafer, straight up to Jeanette. The commotion we made got their attention.

“Hey, Dennis!” Jeanette said, waving hello.

“Get away from him,” I warned her.

Miss Schafer caught up. She slapped the gentleman across the face. “You bastard.”

“What’s going on?” Jeanette asked.

“This man violated me,” Miss Schafer said.

The gentleman laughed. “But you had such a good time.”

The gentleman stood up along with four other men in black suits from the table besides us. They gathered around, putting the three of us in the corner.

“I’ll handle this,” Miss Schafer said.

The room grew cold as she vacuumed all the heat around. Her eyes turned porcelain white. From her jacket, she pulled out an old fashion ink pen, the kind you would dip into ink. With the pen she stabbed herself and put it against the wall. I should’ve figured out that this dame was a blood muse. She stopped. Her eyes returned to normal. She looked at Jeanette and I.

“I don’t know their names,” she confessed. “I can’t do the spell.”

“I don’t remember his name either,” Jeanette told her.

The gentlemen laugh in unison.

“We are the anonymous nobodies,” they spoke. “We feed on pleasure, but tonight we shall feed on your demise.”

I grabbed a steak knife from the table and slashed one of their necks. White blood gushed out, hit me, and burned my skin. The gentleman laughed as his wound healed.

“Any other plans?” Jeanette asked, hiding behind me.

“Just one,” I said. “For I summon the Spanish Inquisition!”

Jumping out from the kitchen were three men in red robes wearing gold crosses.

“Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!” the center man announced.

The gold from inquisition’s necklaces weakened the gentlemen into submission as they handcuff them. The inquisition took the gentlemen away, leaving everyone in the restaurant a little confused.

“Well, it looks like you solved a case,” Miss Schafer said.

“I guess did. Now, let’s get you ladies home.”

Look at what appeared in my living room when I awoke this morning!

Last night while grappling through a grape valley, I was ganged up by a group of gruesome, giggling ghouls. However, hidden in a haystack I hacked out a helicopter with hanging helium tanks and hilariously hit the hideous hipster hellings back to Hell. Imagine that?